long time, no sketch

Not one of my best, but not bad for some 5 minutes of effort either. I've officially re-inaugurated my charcoal pencils. Yay!

Life's a cold, stuck-up Bitch

And then you die.

Ever felt like chasing certain people down with a hatchet in your hands, and then chopping them up to pieces when they trip over the (mandatory) piece of furniture? And then hacking the rest of the room around you to pieces, and then cutting yourself down? Huh? Have you?

I haven't. Honestly.

This post sucks. SHIT.

So does my state of mind. Screw it. Screw it all.

Ego-Bashing

(Excerpted from gtalk)

A: my biggest loss till date
all the certis. right from standard 1
me: hahaha
A: they were in this one bag. and only that got lost
when we moved from Delhi
or nellore i think
me: i refuse to believe you
:D
me: without proof
A: i ll show u my report cards
me: show me certs
:P
A: u shud see the comments of teachers
no certs
me: genius,interrupted
A: did i tell u i didnt give my 6th standard exams
english exam.. cakewalk for me.
i went out to play cricket
sunny my friend..
had an accident
me: u told me
broke hand
abba
A: leg
not hand
me: some appendage
same diff
A: hand i cud have managed
me: :P
A: my last yr in delhi that was
and i was bedridden for close to 4 months
no holi.
me: aaaargggggh
A: i threw water balloons from top
safe :D
on the ppl on the roads
but delhi kids are fckers
from opposite terrace
egg
me: hahahaha
serve u rite
A: my mom also got it once
egg..
its not just dirty
its painful
me: really
ha
A: yeah it is
me: ok
unless u stop now
u ll have to do my h/w
are u game?
A: i think i ll sleep
me: :D
good
wise u are
A: but killer
imagine me in my cream cargos. gandhi glasses
feeling all cool
the girls thought i was lame
but the attitude attracted them i suppose
all my friends/foes called me an asshole for refusing that chick
all the guys who were after her
me: :D
update
we still think u are lame :P
A: we who
hmm actually the attitude is still there
cause i dont care.
haha
if ppl think i am lame
well u cant please the world u knw
me: we the people
:D
like in the preamble
and all
A: haha

A is busy. You may be interrupting. (Yeah Right!!!)

Free publicity for A. :P I'm now doing my homework in some peace. :P

A Tallish Tale

The Bully (Short Story)
-Anon.

Disclaimer: This is a (great)work of Fiction. All resemblance to characters, living or graduate student, may have been intended, but the author takes no responsibility for anything. Cut her a break,won't you? She is unwilling t0 take responsibility for herself even, for Murphy's sake!

I thought I saw an Intruder in my stairwell.

I juggled my key-bunch and a pair of grocery bags,trying to come up with the right open sesame. "Probably someone upstairs moving about", I snapped at my Imagination. "Get off overdrive already. Some old lump. Exercising or something." The shadow-haze outside my apartment stopped moving. I put my weight on the door, my hands full of shopping. An 180 degree pivot later, I found myself staring at a 5-foot-something male, looking rather startled at his interrupted incursions into my apartment. Very Deer in Headlights.What do you know? I'd just caught myself an intruder, and I was between him and the door.

Did I chuck my bags and rush out the door? No. I stood my ground. For one, I am very brave. For another, a five-foot-something male looking ready to jump out of his skin isn't very intimidating. For a third, I actually knew this foiled intruder.

Shivers Bhai, my (erstwhile) room-mate's live-in best friend. But just because she'd taken up permanent residence in his house didn't mean he could come waltzing into ours anytime, did it? Did he have a spare set of keys? My eyes narrowed in suspicion. What nefarious activities had he been up to? He was definitely not sociopath material - He was way too annoying for that. Dressing up in my roomie's clothes when she was otherwise occupied? Maybe. Serial Killing? No.

"WHAT are YOU doing in HERE?". His one arm was behind his back, and I was all set to catch him at his mischievous/sociopathic/psychopathic activity. Red Handed. "Oh... I was just taking photographs of your house... To send to Good Housekeeping." To add insult to incursion, Shivers was being very catty. Not your standard intruder (unless you are a moron, and can't tell cat-like from catty). AND Good Housekeeping? What sort of heterosexual male even knew of such magazines? I briefly considered braining him with my grocery bags, but suppressed the urge as unneighborly.

" I was just about to clean the house" I said coldly, holding the handles of one grocery bag apart.
He peered into it. "How the heck do you run through cleaners so soon?"
"I use a lot of it. when I clean." This was definitely not going like a crack-down. And his arm was still firmly ensconced out of my sight. It looked like Hercule Poirot had to catch this fly with some sugar.
"There's some pineapple-upside-down cake in the Fridge. Want a slice?" Cake in,secret out. Or so I hoped.
"Ermmm... ok!!!".He moved back in so I could enter.

A minute later, I was trying to unstick frozen toffee/pineapple off the bottom of the pan, while the Intruder snickered to his heart's content - at my messy kitchen, at the fact that I bought new dish-towels instead of laundering my old ones, and of course, at me cutting cake instead of calling the cops. It was somebody's day today, and that somebody was me. NOT. I persevered. A moment later, the intruder was oohing and aahing in delight. "This is awesome" he remarked, once he unstuck his teeth from the sticky topping. The moment I was waiting for. "So... What were you doing?" Real casual. slick (If I do say so myself). He looked like he was going to be catty again, but the cake wouldn't let him. He slowly brought his arm around...

A profusion of pink. Female Garments. I mentally jumped up and down, pointing an arm, wagging the index finger:"Aha!!!" Premonition. Killer Instinct. The Next Night Shyamalan Movie waiting to happen. All that mental shrieking filtered out my eyes. Shivers looked defensive. "There is this bachelorette party..."
"Oh?" I sounded encouraging. Go on, Jame Gumb.
"Your roomie is running late, and she is getting ready. She has to wear something pink, so she sent me down... to get something pink...". He sounded resigned.
"Oh!!!" The image of Jame Gumb exploded, leaving behind a washed down image of Rick Moranis. You know, that Flintstone character who is married to that huge female.Rosie O' Donnell. Boom Boom's dad. Henpecked husband personified. Only, in the case of poor Shivers, it wasn't an affaire de coeur, but an affaire de venti. His moderate culinary abilities, combined with my utter lack of any. "Best Friend" on the surface maybe, but disturb the surface a little, and you see "Passable and Willing Cook" underneath. I was torn between sympathy and amusement. As if it wasn't bad enough that he spoke about Good Housekeeping. "Pink, huh?"
"Yeah." He seemed more at ease.
I bit back a grin. "Do you want a cap to go with that pink thing?"
He looked surprised. Was she actually being nice? Or was this a trick phrase? "Errm. Ok..."
"I fished a dusty cap put of the closet. "See, pink AND purple. Perfect for a bachelorette party. It's so OUT THERE." With great strength of will, I maintained my poker face, long enough to go through the goodbye routine. I slammed the door, latched it shut so it couldn't be opened from the outside, and proceeded to roll on the floor,overcome with laughter.

There are bullies, who take over entire houses, make its inmates cook at their will and whim, AND have them run errands of a very personal nature without as much as batting an eyelid( or their eyelashes). And then there are bullies, who attempt to sneak into houses,get caught in the act with embarrassing effects, and resort to intimidation to talk their way through. and then there are the nicer sort of bullies, who not only derive great amusement from such proceedings, but poke gentle fun at everyone involved in a rather public manner. Shame on all of them.

The Ende.

The Spoilsport and the World's Cleverest Conspiracy

Not only did Islamic Insurgents in Pakistan strike a blow for Islamic Jihad in general and Pakistan in particular by shooting at the Sri Lankan cricket team, they used up all their superior Intelligence and inordinate amounts of cunning to come up with this:

"The Indian connection, even if indirect and unintentional, (really? Oops! I accidentally just sent some terrorists along!) cannot be ignored:

1. Lahore is the same city where Pakistani anti-terrorism police arrested several Indian citizens and their Pakistani accomplices in the past few weeks and paraded them in public with evidence linking them to India’s spy agency Research & Analysis Wing, or RAW.
2. Pakistani security officials had received a report that at least ten Indian operatives have crossed the border into Lahore 48 hours before the attacks.
3. India spearheaded a campaign to convince several countries to sever sports relations with Pakistan and put tremendous pressure on Sri Lanka not to send its cricket team to play here.
4. India has a history of supporting the terrorist LTTE group and arming it with sophisticated weapons to fight the Sri Lankan government and army. Pakistan, on the other hand, has been supporting Sri Lanka against this terrorism. India has long been disturbed by the close relationship between Colombo and Islamabad. In this connection, Sri Lanka’s foreign minister’s statement is important. He said he won’t point fingers but said ‘terrorism has no borders’, an implied suggestion that the Sri Lankans believe the perpetrators came from outside Pakistan.
5. The timing of the attack shows the professional planning. Lahore administration was in a flux after the change of provincial government. Lahore was also the last Pakistani city that has not yet been affected by the fallout from America’s failed and disastrous war in Afghanistan. This incident effectively brings chaos to Lahore as well. The rest of Pakistan is already being destabilized by foreign intelligence operatives working from the Afghan soil, inserting professional saboteurs and flushing the country with money to recruit criminals and activating them under the guise of religious extremists.

An important point to note here is that whoever planned this attack made sure that the terrorists look similar to Mumbai attackers. This can be an attempt to spark more conflict between Pakistan and India.

This is the time to expose Indian Terrorism. India should also brace for retaliation. If Indian military and security forces are using terrorism against Pakistan in multiple places, then Indians from these organizations should be a fair game for retaliation."

~Ahmed Quraishi

I'm seriously impressed by Pakistani capabilities - what capabilities exactly, you ask? The capability to spew enough BS to cover a football field full of babies 3 feet deep in bullshit (thanks Maddox, for the visual imagery) I mean, come on. Could YOU have thought of such a fool-proof excuse? I couldn't have. I'm giving credit where it's due.

***
My only regret that it wasn't the American swim team. Obama would have pulled off Iraq Part 2 on Pakistan, and serve them right too. SOMEONE needs to kick Pakistan where it hurts most. How about volunteering, President Obama?

P.S: And while you are at it, Mr President, please introduce these insurgents to Logic 101. We'll be eternally indebted to you.

As God Intended

"The hand that sent Jupiter spinning through heaven,

Spends all its cunning to fashion a curl"

Contrary to popular opinion, I know exactly what my hair looks like. I look in the mirror everyday. More than once. Many times in fact. And you are wrong, I don't cringe every time I do. If I am to believe Sir Aurobindo, then Mister God could have chosen to make me straight-haired (Here. Have some hair. And here's some glue. Get on with it), and made another galaxy or four in the remaining time. Or taken a nap. He didn't. I'm special, see?

And I really don't see the point in straight hair. I used to know a person who had wavy hair, and she looked okay, in spite of colourlessly light eyes and the complexion of a blood-starved vampire. The other day I was hurrying past a person I took to be oriental (limp raw-spaghetti straight hair that stood at attention) and to my great surprise, it turned out to be the ex-wavy haired person. Now the zombie look was complete. Stiff hair,dead eyes, coffin skin. I actually stopped and stared. And felt depressed. Another person lost to the one-hairstyle-suits-all troupe of straight-haired wannabe divas.Sigh.

Why can't we just be curly headed girls, as God intended? Well I am. I choose to be Botticellisque (in spite of the odd (or even) Medusa day), rather than spaghettisque. Damn your Sedu hair straighteners, and reverse-ion technologies. They belong in hell, heat and all.

So what's the whole point? Well, there isn't one.

This post is dedicated to Curly Hair. And to all the nitwits who continually pester me to "do something" about my hair, suggest [substitute your favorite hair straightening technique here] or even just shaving it all off. Some of you, I love, some I dislike (albeit very cordially), and some I couldn't care one training set of data about, but seriously? Piss off. (You know who you are - the next time, pay me a compliment about my wild head of curls, or shut up. You don't know jack about fashion anyway. Curls are so in. Bet you didn't know that. ha!)

An Ode to MadSpring

Spring
It's that time of year again

All around you
Rent-a-fences* and road blocks
Booming sounds of Destruction
And Construction

Icy Puddles
Of melting dirty snow
Bleary cold humidity
Sneezes and heavy heads
And cold wet shoes

Cold Rain
Sickly green dead grass
Poking out from under melting snow
Dirty-brown slush

Eeeyuk

Spring
It's THAT time of year again


* The entrance to the CS dept is sealed off by a long length of rent-a-fence. The main cause for all this angst.